What's up?

Although my Grandma just died today i'm feeling alright, going out to get very drunk soon

 

I'm sorry to hear that... but mine is very sick at the moment to.

Nice forum by the way. It's really comfortable here.

 

Sorry to hear that man. Drink to celebrate her life, not to drown the sadness.

 

Let's make this the thread where we whine about our lives, eh?
My grandmother is also very sick lately, lying at the hospital with some cancer of some sort.
And my girlfriend and I broke up a little over a week ago after an 11-months long relationship. I'll get by it, I know, but it still sucks, you know.

 

I was gonna go out to drink anyway besides there was no point getting upset about it, everyone dies eventually.

 

sorry to hear that guys.

I'm ok, just got back from a blood test. my wife wanted me to get tested for diabetes, and also for a full Liver Function Test, see how my liver is doing. I'm seeing my doc at Addenbrooks Hospital (Cambridge, UK) on the 17th, see if I get lucky and can go back on treatment. I don't care if I have to go through another 48 weeks of hell, I just want my Hep C virus gone for good. first treatment worked for a bit, but then the virus came back.

apart from that, all ok, is getting cold already. can't wait for the snow!!!

 

Social life: 0% .

I really would like to have more friends...

 

Toshi: It's alright. We lose the ones we love, but remember that the point of life isn't to live forever, it's to be able to understand the worth of someone and cherish it while they're still here, and remember them fondly and honor them as they pass.

Skaara: Condolences, friend. In any case, it's good to see you aren't as in as bad of a mood as others who've had the same experience. You're quite an optimist, aren't you?

Jet: Best of luck, Jet. My best wishes for ye.

Rolf: You'll get better. Believe in it.

...

Well, this would sound pretty petty at the moment, but considering you asked...

My country is trying to clean up the net here. Basically, it's gone on a war on 'file-sharing', 'piracy', 'pornography', 'virus-creation', 'hacking', 'online-identity theft', and most of all 'libel' and 'cyber-bullying'.

Now this may sound all well-intentioned, and I'll be honest, at first I thought it was kinda cool. But then I found out the terms. I'm pretty sure some of you use facebook, right? For work, school, fun or whatever, it doesn't matter. You use it, right? Yeah, well so do I. And so do a whole million other Filipinos. This law states that if a person posts a hateful, offensive, or any synonymous adjective on their walls, status, or whatever that attacks (intentionally or accidentally) a person or group, that person can be sued, arrested and jailed for 12 years in prison. And the people who 'like' or 'share' or 're-post' it get a share of the punishment too. Not only that, they are also allowed to listen to your skype conversations without a warrant, they can go through your personal online data without any notification, and they can and will f*ck you up if they catch you illegally file-sharing with others. Without our knowledge.

And this is wrong, in my eyes. It's like we're turning to lambs headed for the slaughter. They're ball-gagging us, and torturing us with their long electronic pikey things that make you all numb when they zap you.

And so, a lot of us are kinda depressed that the whole lot of us are now muted efficiently. Without a doubt, a bunch of us will fall. Funny, how we once kicked out two dictators in the the past several years, and now this happens. I know a whole lot of you will tell me to get a life, but when life nowadays requires an open variety of contacts, local and international, being silenced from even one of them can easily topple a man. My only hope right now is to graduate through high school, graduate through college, get a stable job, save enough money and head abroad. And this'll likely take me apart from all my friends, all the people I've ever known and will probably destroy me. Especially now that I'm in the age in which I have to ask myself 'What do I want to do in life that I could live with doing?'. It completely shuts me down, destroying a lot of my past options, enclosing me in to a life I don't want to live in, to a life I don't want any of my children, if I ever have any, to live in. I know that my country is beautiful and great, but the corruption really sinks deep, to the point I can hardly escape it. I'm an average student, and I'll probably never get much more than a diploma in college, and probably never get an award other than the 'loyalty award' for staying in one school since nursery. And with big-time companies looking for experienced employees nowadays, I'm just wondering, 'out of a hundred thousand kids looking for a job, just like me, why would they pick me when the other thousand are much better than me?' Yeah sure, I'm street-wise for a start. I'm literative, I love books, philosophy, and the like, but who the hell lives a philosopher? It's just so nerve wrecking and saddening.

Not only are my parents expecting much of me, but whenever I think of the future... I just don't see me inside it, ya know? I don't know if this is natural for someone heading for college, but I'm hoping this is just a phase. I don't know. I guess the only things I've ever been good at was conceptualizing games, drafting stories, and building up systems, something I know is a gamble to take. And I don't know whether that gamble is worth taking. I hear a lot of people talking about 'following their dreams' and succeeding. But what about those who do and fail? Whatever happened to them? Stuck in a cubicle, selling china phones and haggling with customers all day long isn't a life I want to have and give to any successor of mine.

So, with all these things stacked against me: My own personal failures, the risk of accidentally invoking the wrath of my government, and cruel fate... I can't seem to see a way to get around this. A wise man once told me, 'Let's take it from behind, because that's how REAL men do it.', but I no longer see another way around the problem I once thought I could overcome. I've thought about killing myself once, during a time of weakness (pitiful, I know), but I guess it'd only be a waste of valuable life that could help in changing the world. But now I wonder, how could I help in changing the world? I thought I could be a journalist, go to war zones, report stories of soldiers. Be a hero. The usual fantasies. But when it's time to grow up... I can't or don't see anything I can really be. I guess I'm just a dreamer, you know? It's a cold fact, but it's an honest one. I've learnt that sometimes being lied to is hard when you realize the truth, but I guess it's even harder when you're the one lying to yourself.

tl;dr: I'm a shit heap.

 

"Toshi: It's alright. We lose the ones we love, but remember that the point of life isn't to live forever, it's to be able to understand the worth of someone and cherish it while they're still here, and remember them fondly and honor them as they pass."

I think of my Grandma everyday and I loved her to bits but I don't get depressed because she died of natural causes and that is a part of life.
I've been told i'm heartless and don't think enough to get depressed and that I keep my emotions locked in but to be honest my views on life and death mean that I just don't feel down like other people seem to do when it comes to this sort of thing.

Also to carry on with this depressing shit one of my dogs went missing the other day...

Also I hate the way the world works nowadays. If I could I'd move somewhere extremely isolated where I could live off the land. Of course i'd have to have electricity since I need to be able to play Metro

 

Thanks. I can relate it to this: "I've been told i'm heartless and don't think enough to get depressed and that I keep my emotions locked in but to be honest my views on life and death mean that I just don't feel down like other people seem to do when it comes to this sort of thing."
In a Nutshell: Happiness is a state of mind.

It's really saddening to hear about all those problems in your life, Dahksinol.
Apart from living in a very free and rich country, I felt the same way like you do about the future and what to become. I think it's just a phase to be honest. I used to think that I'm not good at anything practical. Everyone were pushing questions on me about what I wanted to become. Everyone else knew what they wanted to become. I was one of the very few who didn't. I was only agitated when people asked me about it.

But I've made my way past it; I go to a mechanical school where I learn loads of different work with machineries and things like that. I learn the basics like welding things, cutting things and so on. Next year, I'll be able to choose a more specific mechanical work, and I think I'm going to fix cars.

Of course, these options are probably not available to you, I guess. But there's billions of things to do, and there is definitely one that you could manage to get, and that you could live with. You just have to find it.

 

Free... I don't think that word even has a meaning. Everyone is a prisoner in this day and age.

I didn't know what I wanted to do when I left school, all I knew was that I wanted it to be something practical, not some desk job. I'm currently doing mechanical engineering at college but i've just been to an interview for a arboriculture apprenticeship and I think I did quite well so hopefully I get that because it's something i'd actually be interested in.

 

True, but some are more free than others, eh?

 

And also a mail service. Everyone knows I need my monthly (if not weekly) dose of good ol' survival equipment.

Thanks Skaara.

I'm trying to get my teacher's opinion on what job I should take up, right now. Journalism and Multimedia Arts are their main suggestions on my course, since it's what I excel at, but even they said 'follow your dreams'.

And, we might need you in the metro if you decide to take up fixing cars. The Invisible Watchers know we need someone who knows the way of the car-engine if we want to replace a broken machinery with the much abundant combustion engines

Of course. We call them Politicians.

 

Thanks, Pyotr. It really means a lot to me to be able to play an important role in the Metro
Oh, and what I now have to rant about, is the mail service, yes. The damn Gas Mask has still not come in the post yet! D: I check the mailbox every morning, and to my disappointment, it's always empty :c

 

i thank you for your support. But i don't believe in dreams.

 

Well, if you don't believe in dreams, why not believe in belief? And, if your wondering, I'm not refering to believing in some sort of cult or religion (we all know how THAT turns out, eh?), I'm refering to believe in your own ability to do what you do!

 

We'll do everything we can to improve the Metro's well-being by starting today then! lol

And don't worry Skaara, that gasmask WILL come. In two months and a year. Just as planned.

 

Well, my girlfriend just broke up with me, and with massive projects due in a few weeks, it's been kinda hard. But it's all good now, amazingly we can still be friends, something which I don't think happens too often.

 

That's saddening, but also good to hear Von. Wish I was that lucky. I and my girlefriend were really good friends before we got together. We broke up about a month ago, and we stayed as friends for three weeks, just with not so much contact. Until last week, when she suddenly got together with a friend/aquaintance of mine. I got known to him via her, because he is one of her old friends. Despite how I don't know him that well, it still kinda sucks. You all know about the don't-date-your-friend's-ex-rule. I met him on the busstation Monday morning, and well, it was quite a happening. I later on had a lot of spare time on my hands, so I wrote down a quite long dramatization of it. Perhaps I'll post it here tomorrow.